Brain Canvas

Walking has served humans fine for hundreds of thousands of years, but it often seems like a major bottleneck in our daily routine – or it’s just plain not fast enough to be exciting.  Airplanes, trains, motorbikes, and automobiles work fine for longer distances but there is not a bus stop at everybody’s doorstep.  Bicycles can traverse these unserved spaces, but they are too large to carry with us at all times, you often cannot bring them on public transport, and they have to be parked and locked.  Even when they are locked, delinquents and condescending fraternity members still steal your bike seat, which may or may not be as soaked as a sponge depending on the weather.

This is what I was pondering yesterday as I was ten minutes late for work, quickly and awkwardly ambling from the subway to the doorstep of my employer through the narrow, crowded hu tong streets of Beijing.

For Segway-busting mobility, I would prefer something I will arbitrarily name the MagScooter.  The mag scooter requires three different pieces of hardware: one is a handset unit, the other two are footwear equipment that allow you to walk like normal but can transform into large wheels, either by coming out of the bottom of the shoe or by sliding down from the sides.  When you step off the bus and see a great expanse of sidewalk or tarmac ahead of you, whip out the MagScooter unit.  The unit is the size of a 600-page hardback book and can be put inside a rucksack or messenger bag.  The handles, much like regular scooter handles, fold out of this contraption.  When gripping both handles, and in the presence of the footwear, an intentional flicking action, like one would do in order to make a bedsheet flap and wave in the air or like casting a fishing rod with both hands at the same time, something remarkable happens.

The front wheel of what effectively will be a tricycle flies out the front or bottom of the hand unit and upon contact with the ground, rights itself up on its tire and makes an invisible connection with the handset unit.  At the same time, the wheels on the bearer’s footwear deploy and with this, all three items are connected to each other with some kind of non-visible force.  There is no physical pole or neck between the handset unit and the front wheel or any other component of the MagScooter.  A data and energy connection between all three components makes everything work.  The rider can lean forward against the handset and though the space and orientation will give with the front wheel, the bearer’s weight will be supported seemingly on the handset itself, which is actually receiving a force-feedback response from the front wheel.  Perhaps strong direct-force magnets are involved, or some yet undiscovered energy medium.

When the rider leans forward, they tilt forward on their feet as well which is similar to leaning forward on a bicycle when pedaling up an incline.  Now that the MagScooter is deployed, the rider can use the hand unit to accelerate just like with a normal scooter.  The back wheels come with a small but very powerful motor and battery which can achieve a brisk velocity.

The MagScooter makes it as easy as remembering to pack your favorite book to deliver quick and enjoyable land travel, whether from home to work or on a weekend joyride.

When I read The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn in high school, apart from it being the “first great American novel” and all of the allegories and strong symbolism built up within the book, to me the most intriguing part was: they traveled down hundreds of miles of river in a raft and saw cool stuff and got into misadventures!

Would that I could do what they did on the Mississippi River.  Back in the 1800’s that kind of a trip was possible, albeit dangerous.  Today though, major rivers are dammed up and diverted, preventing a great expedition from taking place.

Let us pretend for a moment, though, that this was not so; that every major river on the Earth was not dammed up.  Disbelief must be suspended because the changes wrought by river engineering have been vast and widespread; here I am assuming that the topography of all places is the same, save for the removal of man-made river barriers.

In this maritime alternative, you can build your own raft – mine would have a tiny cabin, a captain’s chair, and an ironic flag hoisted up – and travel on the cheap without having to do way too much work.  Start at the first navigable point past the headwaters in the middle of Spring and you will be rushed down the hydro-road to destinations that bring back to mind the fabulous journeys of the old Silk Road trading routes.  The river itself would lend context to every location you could visit.  Take the Danube from picturesque Regensburg, Bavaria, and on your way to the magnificent Black Sea you will pass through thousands of miles and years of varied history.  Vienna, Bratislava, Budapest, Mohács, a bit of Croatia, tons of Romania, some of Bulgaria, Serbia, and the Ukraine.  Why stop at the mouth when you could continue along the coast to Odessa, to Georgia and the Caucasian part of Russia, or to the whole northern coast of Turkey?

Take also the Yellow River in China, home to the oldest continuous civilization on the planet.  The Yellow River would take you from grand mountains and canyons to the fertile plains which cradled early Chinese civilization, and which still holds a legendary place in the national psyche.  The Brahmaputra flows for a great length through the Tibetan plateau, then through Bangladesh and it empties along with the Ganges in a great river delta.  The Amazon? The Thames? The Rhine? The Nile? And of course, the modern-day Mississippi?

The greatest part of the adventure, though, would come from what would inevitably arise from a resurgence in river traffic.  The riverbanks of towns and cities would once again become the lively centers of commerce and activity they once were.  An amazing array of goods could be purchased.  Many cultures would be found, and of course the docks would be the doorstep to swashbuckling adventure.  You should be able to find docking for your raft… it would be a lot less of a hassle than trying to find a parking space.  Meet up with other river-wanderers.  Find work, illicit or not, on a bigger boat or in some dockside bar.

Give me three months and a raft, and I will be content.  For three months.